Mad World
by SideriaSleep
Summary: Ed ponders and tells a bit about his life. Songfic, set to: Mad World by Gary Jules. Slight RoyEd


Mad World

I don't know where to begin…

I couldn't tell you exactly when I began to see things this way. I suppose it's just one of those things that happens in life.

Or maybe it's just me.

_All around me are familiar faces  
Worn out places  
Worn out faces_

Nothing ever really seems to change. Everyday it's a monotonous cycle of passing greetings on the walk to and from work. Are we just stuck in a never ending routine? This can't be how I'm going to die one day…

_Bright and early for the daily races  
Going no where  
Going no where_

Wake up when the sun rises, stumble into the shower, lay facedown on the table while Al makes breakfast, then storm into your office to answer to that goddamn smirk you have whenever it's me behind the door. After a heated confrontation, I cool off on my way to the park, and after a few hours, walk back to the apartment to make dinner, because Al went out with Winry again.

_Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression  
No expression_

And sometimes you come home and see me crying in my sleep. Then you'll wake me up and hold me while I regretfully sob into your shoulder. Afterwards I'll finish cleaning up and we'll climb into bed, and when you think I'm asleep, you'll take my hair out of its braid and gently comb your fingers through it while you whisper about how I shouldn't cry.

_Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow  
No tomorrow_

And when you're done, I'll roll into your waiting embrace and pray that the sun won't rise the next day. Because that means that I'll have to go through this hell all over again.

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had_

There are nights where you'll wake me up with a worried face. You'll wipe off my face and ask me what I was dreaming about. You should know by now it's always the same answer. I always tell you though, but first I'll ask what I was doing. It never changes: you tell me I was laughing softly, but would have heartbreaking tears dripping down my cheeks. But it's okay, because you'll hold me again, and I'll forget that I was dying.

_I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles it's a very very_

_Mad world_

With the beginning of each new day, I feel I should tell you. But I don't know how to, of course. I don't believe even you would. All this talk of alchemy around here reminds me that there's still life out there. We haven't given up. And transmutation… Well, we all know the mistakes that can be made by a simple circle and a few elements.

_  
Mad world_

I can't seem to get out of the habit of reminding you this at the end of everyday. I know I needn't tell Al anymore. He knows it as well as I do.

_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy birthday  
Happy birthday_

I suppose this day should make everyone joyous. But this time every year, the only thing I know how to do now is scream. It used to be fun, but that was back when the world was a little less scary. It's ironic I think, that growing older has made me feel as if the world is becoming more of a place to hide from.

_And I feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen  
Sit and listen_

Like I said, I make sure to tell you at the end of everyday. It seems almost crucial to let the words slip from my mouth before we say goodnight. But that still doesn't mean that I can tell you what you need to know.

_Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me  
No one knew me_

On the way to your office, I am always greeted by many people. But they just know me by title and name. It's a little unnerving that that's really all they can say about me. Well, my temper and skill set aside, because reputations do have a history of following people.

_Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me  
Look right through me_

On a few of the days when I sit in the park, I recall the times Al and I were forced to live on an island without the use of alchemy. When we had truly learned what alchemy meant, and had a meaning behind it. All is one and one is all.

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had_

You never tell Al, I had seen one day. He comes over when I'm resting, and asks how things have been going. I notice that you conveniently don't mention my breakdowns that are becoming more frequent. I know you can handle it on your own, but it makes me wonder why you wouldn't tell my own brother.

_I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles its a very very_

_Mad world_

But I don't bother you about it as you don't bother Al about it. I suppose you think that he doesn't really need to know, because you can take care of it. And still…

_  
Mad world  
_

I like it when we can sit back in the library with a stack of books. I can tell it's not your favorite activity, and you'd rather be doing something else, but you put up with it because of me. I really appreciate that you know. And I know you know, because sometimes when you think I'm not looking, you watch me with that little smile on your face that lets me know everything is alright. And that makes me happy.

_Enlarging your world_

"You probably can't imagine how long I've been working up the courage to say that. But then again, maybe you do. You seem to know things like that. But I have to tell you Roy, it's a mad world out there."

_Mad world_


End file.
